Joy Deficiency
Why can’t you just be more jolly?
It’s only the flip of a switch.
Turn off the view of the sadness inside,
And give us a smile, you lil’ bitch.
Why can’t you just be more jolly?
It’s only the flip of a switch.
Turn off the view of the sadness inside,
And give us a smile, you lil’ bitch.
You tell me you’re all about parties and fun,
Or that’s what your followers say.
But they only see a percent of your life,
And the rest is all boring and gray.
Not that my life is anything better,
You’re right, I’m a hypocrite.
But why do you need to prove that you’re happy
To people who don’t give a shit?
What do you want? Fame? Respect?
Sex, drugs, money, and power?
A like and a half won’t give any of that,
So just drain all those thoughts in the shower.
The singers, the leaders, the names in the stars,
They all live a meaningless life.
Just because they got a jawline and abs
Don’t mean you should go under the knife.
They look very happy, and maybe they are,
But that doesn’t mean less for you.
Their happiness doesn’t subtract from your own.
They can be red, and you blue.
You’re wonderfully perfect, you know that you are.
To change anything would be weird.
Just be yourself, the one that you love,
And ignore those who won’t give a cheer.
Life is hard enough for us now
Without you making a mess.
Just calm on down, erase that frown,
And let jolly take care of the rest.
After all, maybe you’ll never be rich,
You may never have muscles or cash.
And if that’s true, you can still be jolly,
Just don’t be a pain in the ass.
Farewell Ode to Apple
Ten years ago, I snuck in the back door at Apple.
Ten years ago, I snuck in the back door at Apple.
New grad on a product about to be cancelled.
My team was repurposed to work on Notes.
I was a lucky kid.
Notes manager asks, “Who wants to build sync?”
Having never synced a byte in my life, I raised my hand.
Whether due to trust or desperation, I got the job.
A billion sync bugs later, I still had it.
Eventually I managed the Notes team.
I wore button ups then, but they’re a pain to wash.
Things were going well, but my bucket list screamed at me.
Apparently, I had to live in London.
Joined the CloudKit team. Moved across the pond.
Five years and a pandemic later, a pet project became API.
But now, the bucket list screams again.
Apparently, I have to quit.
Not going to a competitor. No problems. No spicy drama.
I just want to experiment with pure freedom.
Not sure exactly what I’ll do, but I have some ideas.
No kids. No responsibilities. Now is the time to be dumb.
I’m sad to leave.
Sad to miss everyone.
Sad for any time I made you mad.
Sad for all the crappy code I leave behind.
But I’m happy to have been here.
Happy for all the opportunities.
Happy for the laughs.
Happy for all the funky log lines and comments.
Thank you, Apple, for helping me make a dent.
My last day will be Friday, December 15th.
I need to finish the liquor on my desk before then.
Come by if you’d like to help.
Career Radar Stats
Bugs Filed: 8,135
Bugs CC’d: 26,175
Bugs Modified: ~40,000
Bugs Resolved (Fixed): 2,488
Bugs “Resolved” (Other): 4,620*
*Likely thousands more, but there’s a bug with how Radar tracks resolutions. Don’t worry, I filed a Radar about it.